Thursday, November 18, 2010

Erik


So, basically, I like totally just told you about 2 new members last post. Actually, there are 3...

WELCOME ERIK THE ALL-MIGHTY ALBINO LEPRECHAUN!!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Dun da dun!

Introducing, the newest additions to the JR staff!

Joystick Rehab is proud to announce 2 new members! This means more reviews, more posts, and more me ranting on about video game genres and theology and other junk!

Flaw Of Insanity (Please, please call him Flawsie Cakes) And Shadow!

Give 'em a warm welcome!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Yes yes I haven't posted in a while blah blah blah. I haven't gotten enough dough to buy a game yet, sue me.

But I really need to spread the word this time.

Video games are a form of art, of speech and, well a part of the gamer him/her self. But they're being threatened in america. State legislatures and congress are debating an issue that hits close to every gamer's home. BANNING THE SELLING OF VIDEO GAMES.

Stan Lee and gamers have joined forces against this, creating:


Please join VGVN and use your voice to help spread word, banning video game sales is against our constitutional right.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Battlefeild: Bad Company

If you're a fan of the Battlefeild series, you know this game. It's a game in a fictional reality about a war against Russia.

Bad Company is about that war. In this game, though, you play as Preston Marlow. An offender as a soldier, he could have been sent to jail, but instead he was deemed "expendable" and becomes the new member of a 4-man team, the B-Company. The B-Company consists of expendable soldiers sent in on impossible missions, not expected to survive.

The game soon becomes about greed. Lots and lots of greed. A mercenary group is paid in gold bars (money is so overrated, man.) And apparently it's awesome to get, but it really doesn't do anything I can see.

Gameplay could be better. But there are a few things I like about it. Instead of sitting behind walls waiting for little swiss-cheesed pieces of yourself to magically come back, you have what I call, a magic-heally stick! Equip it, jam it in your stomach and you're good to go!

Storyline is followed easily, and it puts you in weird situations where things blow up around you like crazy. (Did I mention that everything is destroyable? Win.) And seems to make you feel like a good part of the fight.

AI is kinda dumb. I swear, Haggard once shot a BAZOOKA at a wall 3-feet in front of his face. And none of them can hit an ELEPHANT with ELEPHANT SEEKING BULLETS.

Overall, Bad Company is a great game. It gets 8 and a half exploded tanks, out of 10.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Epic Win

I've just been told via Twitter that an up-and-coming game developer is going to give me a free game to review another. I'll have it done by next week!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Uncharted 2 Review

Welcome people of the interwebs!

This week's review is for the sequel smash hit on the PS3, Uncharted. An intriguing 3rd person shooter and action game. Let's get elbow-deep in blood in this week's review.

Uncharted begins with the middle of the story, climbing up a train somewhere very, very snowy as it hangs by a thread. (Spoiler: It's Nepal kids!). From there you learn the fundamentals of gameplay and have a flashback, which guides you up to the point that got you into this mess.

The story isn't bad, It actually really cool. It takes you to the most interesting situations ever without not explaining how. I thought it was amazing climbing on moving trains through tunnels, climbing through museums at night.

Gameplay mechanics are smooth, and easy to maneuver. I found them easy to handle and fun to use.

Other than that, I don't even know what to say. This game blew me away. In my book, Uncharted 2: Among Theives gets a solid 10 ancient artifact daggers out of 10.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bioshock 2 Review

Hey guys!

I've been unholy busy lately. So I've decided to take another day to post. (It's Wednesday SOMEWHERE, right?)

Bioshock 2 is the sequel to 2k Marin's Bioshock. A 40's themed underwater city in the mid-Atlantic meant for scientific research went wrong there before the series. An element called "ADAM" (Which grants the user the ability to automatically alter their genetics, very painfully) drew people insane and crazed for the substance.

The second game takes place 10 years after the end of the first game, in a future where the evil ruler Andrew Ryan has been killed and eventually overthrown by a Dr. Sophia Lamb.

You play as a big daddy in this game (Large man in a diving suit), trading up the wrench melee weapon for a personal hand-drill. But you're not just ANY big daddy. You are the FIRST big daddy. Subject Delta. One of the few still capable of free thought.

Here's where the story gets interesting. In the first game, to get to these little girls who are precursors of ADAM, you had to kill their Big Daddy. The new leader of Rapture, Dr. Lamb once had a daughter, who became Delta's Little Sister. Lamb found this out, and she is not pleased. She tries to make you kill yourself over her. You wake up, many many many many years later in a Vita-Chamber (Chamber used to revive when you die.). Bent on revenge, and getting your little sister back.

The gameplay is fun and adds a lot to the original controls. It focuses on dual-wielding weapons using the shoulder buttons. It works well, and I found it easy to grasp.

The storyline does NOT match that of Bioshock 1's by a long shot. It's choppy at times and it's really kind of silly. I really do not care for it at all, it could have been a lot stronger.

Overall Bioshock 2 was good, just not as good as Bioshock. I give it 8 full EVE hypos, out of 10.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Assassins Creed II RevieWednesday!

Hey there kiddies! Time for yet another RevieWednesday!


Assassin's creed is developed by Ubisoft. It is a sequel to the stealth-killing free-falling Templar-slaughtering hit Assassin's creed.

AC2 begins with Desmond (the less-cool main character from the first game) being put in the animus by the assistant from the first game, to find ANOTHER assassin from his ancestry to use. She then takes the memory core and guides you through Abstergo to your escape to a safehouse where, shockingly, they want you to go in ANOTHER animus.

This game runs better than AC1, especially because you don't stop every so levels to go to bed and hear the good doctor have an argument or two with the assistant.

It also uses new RPG elements, such as customization and currency, which help a lot and add some fun parts. I personally liked to paint my clothes black with a red trim and beat my opponents to death with a warhammer.

The storyline was interesting. It was a cool mix of the old "Behind the scenes" history with some vengeance.

AC3 was an extremely fun game. I strongly recommend you play it. It gets 8.5 hiden murder blades out of 10

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Fallout 3 Review!

Happy first annual RevieWednesday readers!

This week is: Fallout 3!

Fallout 3 is a game by Bethesda softworks, a sequel built after Bethesda acquired the small company Black Isle studios, makers of the first two Fallout games. Bethesda then revamped it to the max, with a revamped version of their Elder Scrolls IV engine. Some fans of the series were angry, saying Fallout 2 was infinitely better. Those fans, were wrong. Let's VATS some Super Mutants in the nards in this review.

The post apocalyptic RPG starts off in a "Vault", an underground city built to withstand nuclear warfare. It's 200 years later and...oh, wait, didn't I read about something like this before? Or see a movie? Nevermind. Point is, you go through a long ish childhood sequence, then escape from the underground niceness into the hellhole wastes.

As the games goes on, you end up doing some really fun stuff. Taking out a sniper in a town of landmines, deciding whether zombies or bigots occupy a hotel, and don't forget the lovely DLC content.

This game's karma system and choices warrant so many different playthroughs it's ridiculous. There are so many sides to so many quests it's extremely fun to play it over and over until you've experienced it all.

The fighting system is familiar, yet at the same time all new. It's based off Oblivion's, yet plays very differently. It is almost flawless.

The storyline is good, well written and fun. The side missions are even written well, and have their own mythology.

I even enjoyed the music of this game. Three Dog's GNR played non-stop on my Pip-Boy 3000 and I often found myself singing along as I used VATS to blow a ghoul's head off. Fun story: My grandpa once left me in the car for 20 minutes once in the middle of my playthrough, and I switched his satellite radio subconsciously to the 40's station and began listening. He came back giving me odd looks. Needless to say, I stopped listening to GNR after that.

FALLOUT 3 is the BEST game I have ever played. Ever. I wait, holding my video game breath for New Vegas. F03 gets 10 nuclear bomb-ed Megatons, out of 10

Sunday, July 18, 2010

REVIEWEDNESDAY!

Welcome again faithful readers!

Because I'm sure that I will run out of games to review before I know it, I've decided that I will start posting a new review every hump day. I call it: RevieWednesday!

This gives me time to game until my fingers fall off AND post the reviews you oh-so love.

Until next time, SuburbanRiot signing off!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Fable II review.

Welcome back review blog reading enthusiasts!

It's time to get medieval and take down some hobbes in this review of Lionhead studio's awe-inspiring Fable II.

Fable II is an action RPG exclusively for PC and Xbox 360, the sequel to Lionhead's Fable for Xbox. It is set in Fable's mythical world, Abilon, and has a similar map.

The beginning of the game is slow, and hard to want to play. You play as a child again, doing various tasks and deeds to get a small amount of money with your cruddy equipment. After this sequence, you are taken into the castle, where the strange and creepy king kills your sister (thank GOD. She is ANNOYING.) and knocks you out a fairly expensive looking window. A weird gypsy then takes you home to nurse you back to health.

You wake up a few years later at a gypsy town outside Bowerstone. The gypsy that took you home earlier gives you a magical amulet with which she communicates with you, and unlocks a superduper cool cave place, where you practice your sword and crossbow, until you learn to do magic at the end, and reveal your headquarters for story quests. From then on you do a variety of cool things, from blacksmithing for money to killing whole gangs of bandits and destroying zombie-like hollow men.

The storyline is easy to understand, but it makes you want a more compelling story. I, honestly didn't care if the bad guy killed everyone in Abilon, OR killed my annoying sister before my eyes. I just wanted to kill stuff and get lots of money!

The fighting controls and system are amazing! I switched between silver rifle to sword to fireball in the blink of an eye (like a bawss). It was extremely well balanced, and was fun killing whole swarms of enemies while still being challenged. It was like being surrounded by 1,000 soldiers with a wooden spoon that reigns death by touch, a .44 magnum with infinite ammo and an unlimited supply of fireballs with the clothes on your back. It will take you a while, it will be hard, but you can certainly do it.

Fable II is a strongly recommended game to play. It gets 8 piles of bandit ashes out of 10.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Portal Review

Helllooooo fellow gamers. Welcome to my review of Portal!

Portal is a game distributed by EA and developed by Valve. Introduced on the Orange Box, it is heralded as one of the best games of all time and father of the internet meme "The cake is a lie.". But what makes this game tick? Let's begin thinking in portals in this week's review.

The game's beginning starts off simple. You are finally ready to begin testing Aperature science technology after a long sleep in stasis. For the first few levels you begin gaining parts to modify the Aperature science hand-held portal device. The game's controls run smooth like cutting melted butter.

After a while you begin to see that things are changing. As the chambers get harder and harder you will notice that panels on the walls are being held open. Inside are writings and pictures on the walls, creepy spine-tingling messages and photographs.

The game gets extremely fun as the game gets harder.I liked plotting the death of those creepy turret things that I'm afraid will be standing at my front door tomorrow morning. (I'm just kidding, I live in a cave, I don't have a DOOR.). Or even using Sir Issac Newton pleasing jumps using portals to fling yourself 50 feet forward.

The story line is easy to understand, at times twisted, a little funny and a little AWESOME. I loved to hear GlaDOS yell at me or make fun of me in her funny little creepy computer voice. It felt extremely real, and it worked.

Portal is the best game I've ever beaten, only barely beating Fallout 3. It gets 10 morality cores, out of 10.

See you later gamers!

Deploying surprise in 3..2...*crash*

Hello dear internets!

I have some good news, and bad news!

Bad news is: voting ends early, TODAY. So I'll take the results so far and use them!

Good news is that you get your review early!

The results show your favorite is PORTAL! So I'll begin that review later on today!

I'll also begin reviewing Fable II and Fallout 3, because they were tied for second place!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Poll!

Helloooo there followers I only have in spirit!

I've revamped the page a bit, and I'm going to post a poll soon to ask you what you'd think I should review next.

Remember! If you like to read my blog, tell your friends! You can easily tweet or share with the little buttons to the left. Tell everyone you know! There's a new game critic in town!

Monday, July 12, 2010

inFAMOUS Reveiw

To kick off my new video game review blog I'll start by reveiwing the last game I've beaten - inFAMOUS.

InFAMOUS is a superhero game by Sucker Punch! productions. (You know, those dudes that made that PS2 game about that fox with a staff?) It stands strong, priding itself as being one of the first and best games for PS3, written well and utilizing a creative and new fighting system. This game also features a karma system, governing the flow of the story.

Let's begin.

I'll start with the karma system. First of all, although the game would lose a large portion of it's story and gameplay, inFAMOUS really could have stood without it. Too many free form, RPG's and sandboxes are built with karma systems these days, and they never are that realistic or live up to expectations that they set. Although this feature gives you a want to play the game twice, it is also flawed. It seems to be based on a false truth that horrible and bad things happen to good people, and it's very easy and rewarding to be bad. In real life, if you return a lost puppy, you get a reward, not the owners to call you a jerk and punch you in the face. The choices are also very obvious. I have yet to see a game that gives you choices in a shade of gray that you have to make instantly, rewarding you if you figure it out quickly enough to see the right choice.

The fighting system is...wonderful. It's refreshing to see a very new fighting system in a game that works well. Although at first it's hard to get into and figure out, it also gives room to do some really cool tricks and stunts (ex. slide on a train track or wire and use precision strike to kill someone - Ride the Lightning) and gives freedom on how to destroy enemies with your cool electric powers.

The writing of the story is really great. Sucker Punch! delivers a great new superhero story that looks and feels as if it fell straight off the pages of a marvel or dark horse comic (I hate DC comics). It's full of twists and turns and new ideas that rock the I-fell-in-toxic-acid-and-now-I'm-a-superhero world. It gives explanation to Cole's powers that seem as if they would work in real life. It also shows that even if you gain powers and beat the living hell of some baddies, you still will be called a freak and an evil person until you can prove that you're not bad.

Bottom line is, inFAMOUS is a great game. I give it 8 overcharged transformers out of 10.

SuburbanRiot signing off, until next time.